


two drifters (off to see the world)

by Sewnota



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), There is a drop of fluff at the end so it's not all angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 15:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20028370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sewnota/pseuds/Sewnota
Summary: Nobody would expect Tony “Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist” Stark to window shop seeing as he could probably buy out every store in New York if he wanted to. And yet, in the middle of a lonely snow-blanketed street half an hour from Christmas Day, he stood by the window of a closed toy store mourning the loss of something he'd never had.





	two drifters (off to see the world)

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write Christmas Fluff, but then I got mad, so here we are instead. Don't worry, I'll write a fluff story later. We all need it :((( This was spurred on by a wave of post-Endgame depression brought about by the newly released deleted footage. Guys, I'm so sad I wasn't over Endgame in general and the pain just d o u b l e d :(((
> 
> Unbeta-d because I wrote this in a hurry at 3 am in tears listening to Moon River. Nothing like Christmas in July, eh?
> 
> The title is from Moon River by Henry Mancini.

Nobody would expect Tony “Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist” Stark to window shop seeing as he could probably buy out every store in New York if he wanted to. And yet, in the middle of a lonely snow-blanketed street half an hour from Christmas Day, he stood by the window of a closed toy store. The warm light from the shop washed over his pale features, illuminating the rosy hue of his cold-tinged cheeks partially hidden beneath the knitted scarf he’d thrown on last minute.

Tony hadn’t initially intended to go out in the dead of night, but the tower was too empty. Of all the shitty Christmases he’d had, this year was taking the fucking cake. Pepper was going to fly in from California, but trouble with some board members had dragged her off once again. Peter was spending Christmas with his Aunt. Rhodey and Vision were still at the compound, which Tony couldn’t bring himself to return to after the events of their Civil War last year. Buying back the Stark-turned-Avengers-turned-Stark-again tower and moving in didn’t lessen the pain either. There were too many memories of the team, but he’d rather stew around in his loneliness there than at the compound. And of course, most of said team had fucked off, leaving him to deal with the collateral damage.

Which brings him to his current predicament: staring forlornly through a shop window like an orphan from a Dickens book. _ Not so far off _, he thought to himself with a wry twist of his lips. Jarvis used to take him on walks through New York on Christmas Eve when his parents were too busy hosting their annual Christmas Gala. None of the shops had captured his attention as much as this toy store, the delicately carved soldiers and animals never failing to impress even his young, genius mind. Jarvis had never seen his fascination for them as a childish thing. The year before Tony left for boarding school, Jarvis had even gifted him a beautifully crafted nutcracker. He’d treasured it, but Howard had destroyed it during one of his drunken rages, roaring about him wasting his time with useless junk and interests. They didn’t go on any more of those walks after that.

He let out a heavy sigh, watching as his breath fogged up the window.

It’s moments like this where he desperately missed Jarvis and his gentle aura, his guidance, his sturdy support. He missed JARVIS and his calm presence at the tower and in the suits. He missed his mother and her soft singing as she played the piano. He missed the few years the team had been together as a unit—as a _ family_. He missed Thor belting out the latest Midgardian Christmas song he’d heard throughout the tower. He missed Clint hanging up the garland by imbedding them in the wall with arrows. He missed Bruce’s careful concentration as he decorated cookies. He missed Natasha’s soft humming as she skillfully wrapped presents. He missed Ste—

_ No. _

With a shake of his head, he cleared away the spot of fogged up glass. His shoulders went rigid as he caught a sign of movement in the window’s reflection. Beating down the mounting panic in his chest, he subtly reached a hand towards his gauntlet watch as he turned around.

_ Speak of the devil. _

It seemed that old habits die hard. For someone who’s a fugitive in about 50 countries, Steve Rogers was astoundingly horrible at undercover disguises. Though, the small bush growing on his face was definitely a new addition, and it nearly threw Tony off for a moment. Nearly.

It was nothing short of a Christmas miracle that Tony resisted the urge to pull out the gauntlet anyways.

“I’d say this is pretty Hallmark of you, but frankly, it is a bit stalkerish. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just turn you over to the feds,” Tony drawled. It didn’t matter that just seeing the man made his chest ache with a long repressed hope. No, he knew Rogers only wanted something if he was willing to take the risk to return to New York.

“Here to tell me about how you and the other jolly Avengers are having a grand old time in Wakanda? Need something to help your bestest friend Barnes? Or are you just here to rub it in that I’m a miserable fuck even though it’s the holiday season?” Tony shot, rage gradually building up. “Are you going to tell me I’m wrong again? Argue about the _ fucking _ Accords? Lie to me for another two years? Finish what you didn’t in Siberia?”

Rogers, to his credit, looked like he’d been slapped in the face by a truck. “Tony—” He cut himself off, lips pursed tightly together. He took an aborted step towards Tony, but froze when Tony visibly tensed up. For a moment, Tony could’ve sworn there was a watery sheen in Rogers’ eyes, but they were too far away from each other to be sure.

But that was a recurring theme for the both of them, wasn’t it? They were always too far away from each other. Maybe that was why they never understood each other, why they were absolute shit at communicating, even at their best.

“What do you want, Rogers?” Tony sighed, the fight bleeding out of him. He was tired. So, so tired.

“I wanted to see you,” Rogers replied softly. His normally confident shoulders were dropped, hunching in on himself as if to appear smaller. “I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?”

“Siberia, Bucky, the whole Accords mess.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, but held firm. “I want you to know I really am sorry. For everything. I know the letter didn’t even cover the half of it, and I shouldn’t have acted so blindly about it. It was just...Bucky was the last thing I’d had in connection to the past. I couldn’t lose him again, Tony, you have to understand that. But I didn’t mean for it to go down the way it did.”

“You could’ve talked to me! We were supposed to be a team!” Tony stressed. “You’re a damn hypocrite for calling me out on Ultron. Didn’t you think I deserved the right to know about my own parents’ fucking _ murders_?” He stormed forward until there was a foot of space between him and Rogers.

“Why couldn’t you trust me?” It came out more softly than he’d intended to, but his emotions were already going haywire as is.

Rogers’ face was so grief stricken that Tony almost felt bad, but it had to be said out loud. “I do trust you, Tony,” he whispered.

“I needed you, Rogers. Not to blindly sign the Accords, because I know that’s not who you are. I needed you to _ listen _. But you couldn’t even give me that,” Tony said, blinking rapidly to clear the moisture in his eyes. “We were supposed to be a team! And look at us now: Bruce is gone, Thor’s off in space, and you’ve taken the rest of the kids after the divorce. Hell of a team if you ask me.”

He took a steadying breath before continuing. “I’ll admit, I didn’t listen to you as much as I could have with the Accords. Sokovia was still a recent mess, and Ross was going after the Avengers, and there was no accountability for the fallout. The Accords were to prevent something worse from happening to the Avengers.”

“We had three days to read it over,” Rogers pointed out, eyebrows furrowed in frustration. “I couldn’t just sign something I didn’t agree with completely. Ross was clearly trying to take us down. It was a bar for the Avengers. We would’ve had no choice in our missions. They wanted to control us like some government lapdog!”

“Well it’s better than you and Barnes dead!” Tony snapped. Rogers eyes widened in surprise. “After the stunt you pulled, Ross wanted your head.”

“I didn’t know...” Rogers said quietly. “I’m sorry, Tony. I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I’m sorry about keeping the truth about your parents away from you. I was a coward. At first I thought I was doing it because I was sparing you the pain, but I realized I was doing it to spare myself. You were happy, even after the whole New York debacle. We were getting along, and I didn’t want to ruin the new friendship that we’d had. And I meant to tell you at some point, to find an opening for the conversation, but then Ultron happened and then the Accords...” He trailed off for a moment.

With a shake of his head, he connected his gaze to Tony’s desperately—pleading for him to understand. “It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you, Tony. It was never that. I’m sorry I lied, I’m sorry I broke your trust, I’m sorry I hurt you. It doesn’t excuse what I did, but I never wanted to hurt you.”

Tony stared at him for a bit, scrutinizing him to see if he could find a trace of dishonesty, but nothing came up. Rogers’ determined look radiated nothing but sincerity.

“Okay.”

Rogers blinked in surprise. “Wait, what?”

“I forgive you,” Tony sighed. He waved a hand in the air flippantly. “Don’t look so surprised, Rogers. Season of goodwill and all, y’know? Besides, anger’s corrosive.” His shoulders deflated, the previous tension melting away.

“I wanted to hate you,” Tony said quietly. Rogers flinched, eyes dropping guiltily towards the ground. “God, I’d _ trusted _ you. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t trust that many people, Rogers.” He laughed bitterly. “Then you chose Barnes, and in the end, was I even your friend?”

Remorse crept over Rogers’ face, his mouth twisted in a pained grimace. “There’s nothing I regret more than breaking your trust, Tony. If I could go back, I would’ve never done that to you. I wouldn’t have not helped Bucky—I’m not going to lie again.”

Tony couldn’t help a weak laugh. Rogers gave a small smile before sobering. “But I would’ve told you the truth. It was...” Rogers hesitantly grabbed Tony’s hand. Despite himself, Tony didn’t pull away from it. “It was never about choosing Bucky over you, Tony. You were my friend—_ are _ my friend. I’m sorry it seemed that way.”

Tony nodded, eyes fixated on where their hands were connected. Long ignored feelings roared to life in his chest accompanied by a swoop of his stomach. _ Huh_.

“Guess our trademark is shitty communication,” Tony said with a faint smile.

Rogers laughed, eyes crinkling with relief. His thumb unconsciously stroked Tony’s knuckles with delicate care.

“I missed you, Tony.”

“You too, Cap.” With a strange burst of courage, Tony intertwined their fingers together. A laugh bubbled its way out of Tony as a realization crossed his mind.

“Wait, what were you doing in New York looking for me like it’s _ Love Actually _ anyways?”

“Oh, uh, we were in the states for a mission. Sam went home to his ma and I meant to stop by the tower. I just...wanted to see you. To apologize.” Maybe it was a trick of the light, but Tony could’ve sworn there was a blush on his face that wasn’t from the cold.

“Christmas Eve, too. Very romantic, Cap,” he teased, smile growing as Rogers shot him a small but genuine smile.

“Technically, it’s Christmas now,” he said, glancing down at his watch. Sure enough, _ 12:08 _ blinked back at them. He gently squeezed Tony’s hand, a painfully soft look on his face.

“Merry Christmas, Tony.”

“Merry Christmas, Steve.”

**Author's Note:**

> I just realized this is my first finished story on AO3. Can I get a wahoo for small milestones?
> 
> Thank you for reading! I love y'all :)


End file.
